The Feelings Of A Black Girl

Last week, I picked up my daughter from school and asked – as I always do – how her day had gone. Usually, I get what most parents expect from teenagers, which is one-word answers like “fine” or “o-kay.”  On this day, I got an earful.

My daughter – who is Black – reported that her white AP History teacher had asked the students in his class to pair off and read out loud two statements of opposing views on the enslavement of human beings from the 1860s. The first reading was of an 1860s abolitionist. The second was an 1860s defender of enslavement who repeatedly used the N-word to describe Black people. Hearing other students – many who were white – using the N-word as they read out loud disturbed my daughter. She said, “Lots of white students got to use the N-word today.” She was angry, sad, and depressed.

So were her mother and I.

That night I wrote the following message to the principal, the history teacher, and – the only Black staff member at my daughter’s school – the dean of students:

Our daughter came home today and reported her discomfort with an assignment she was given in our AP History class today by her history teacher. According to her, she and her classmates were put in pairs and asked to read two accounts concerning slavery from the 1800s to each other. One of these accounts used the N-word repeatedly. While she chose not to read that word, she was disturbed to hear multiple people in her class reading that word out loud. As she said, “Lots of white students got to use the N-word today.”

While I have serious concerns about the pedagogical rationale for reading statements in support of slavery, I suppose with careful contextualization that might be appropriate. However, I would hope we could agree that a reading using the N-word in a derogatory manner (without some serious contextualization by the teacher) is unacceptable. And that any exercise which required or allowed white students to read the N-word out loud is completely inappropriate.

Since most white people (myself included) still don’t fully appreciate the issue of white people using the N-word, I attach this excellent tutorial by Ta-Nehisi Coates.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO15S3WC9pg

I look forward to hearing some response and a plan for how tomorrow’s discussion in the AP history class will be handling this situation.

The next morning, I received a call from the principal, the history teacher, and the dean of students.  To their credit, they immediately acknowledged the history teacher had erred in this assignment and that he would address all his classes that day to acknowledge this. He would also explain the importance of white people not using the N-word in any situation. They spoke highly of our daughter and her courage in expressing her concerns to us. That day, the history teacher did speak with his classes about the assignment and his error.

But my wife, daughter and I are still angry.

We’re angry no white student that day raised their hand and expressed any discomfort about speaking the N-word out loud.

We’re upset no Black student, including my daughter, felt safe enough to raise their hand and express their anger at hearing that word so casually spoken.

We’re frustrated an award-winning AP history teacher didn’t think about the possible repercussions of his assignment prior to making it.

Most of all, my wife and I are enraged that this happened during a week when thousands of white suburban voters elected or voted for Republican candidates who ran on the theme of protecting white students from lessons on enslavement, Jim Crow and racial discrimination which might make them feel uncomfortable or guilty.

Though Critical Race Theory is not taught to elementary or secondary students and does not focus on creating feelings of guilt, this is what white suburban voters are being fed by Fox News, conservative pundits, and Republican candidates.  They are being told this “White shaming” is happening repeatedly in their suburban schools. This is – of course – a lie. While it may be possible to find a few instances in the United States where some teacher did inappropriately shame white students, this would be extremely rare.

What is not rare is what my daughter experienced.

Indeed, in her ten years of schooling, she has already had five or six situations at school where she experienced anger, sadness, depression, and discouragement in response to what teachers, administrators and other students said about or to Black people. These were situations where the racism was blatant and obvious. There are also the countless micro-aggressions that she and we have tolerated over those years.

Yet conservatives would have us think that the feelings of white children need to be protected.

In all my schooling, I never experienced any negative statements about being white.

With my four white children, I never had to address a situation where they were diminished for the color of their skin.

This isn’t new. For the past two hundred years, the American schooling system has been designed to pamper, nurture, protect and enhance the lives of white children. That same system has done everything in its power to exclude, discourage, inhibit, and damage the self-esteem and worth of millions of children of color.

When any white parent complains that a discussion or lesson about racism is hurting their children, I want to scream.

WHAT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER?

They remind me of the white parents who supported laws that segregated schools in America and refused to provide Black children necessary resources. Those parents thought they were protecting their white children.

They remind me of the white parents who screamed racial slurs at six-year-old Ruby Bridges when she had the audacity to enroll in a white school. Those parents thought they were protecting their white children.

They remind me of the white parents who moved to suburbs in droves when city schools were integrated. Those parents thought they were protecting their white children.

They remind me of the white parents who paid to have their children attend parochial and private schools to avoid their children sitting next to a Black student. Those parents thought they were protecting their white children.

My Black daughter has never had the luxury they insist on for their children. Her feelings are never valued or protected. She is not allowed to pretend our society is colorblind, that racism is largely a thing of the past and that she need not feel angry, sad, or depressed about our racial history.

Here is the irony.

There is one place my wife and I agree with those white parents concerned about their children’s feelings.

We are both enraged about something that is not being taught in our schools.

They are enraged about Critical Race Theory, which is not being taught.

We are enraged about the lack of anti-racism training, which is not being taught.

So, when to comes to the teaching of our racial history, you can pardon me for not giving a fuck about the feelings of white suburban children.  At my daughter’s school in 2021, not a single white student had their feeling hurt by hearing or using the N-word in class during a lesson on enslavement. It was my daughter and her Black classmates who felt disregarded, diminished, and objectified.

Of course, like millions of white parents before them, too many white parents don’t give a damn about that.